Tuesday 28/7

Difference of opinion re. today’s journey – for Rod a great day, for Simon a day of hatred for all things Milanese, but particularly all things scooteristi. Simon wanted to visit Monza, which we did after OK breakfast, but he had to lead through Milan – using twat-nav – and got quite beside himself.
Having negotiated Milan, on the way to our hotel in Provence, he again took up the rear (does that sound OK?). Rod loved everything about the Italian traffic, although by the time we left Italy we’d formulated some opinions about some of what goes on there:
a) They’ve had a big EEC grant for roundabouts – there are dozens of new ones.
b) They’ve had a similar big grant for direction signs, but because they don’t want strangers finding places they just stick them up here and there without any pattern or logic

c) Speed limits and other traffic control devices, such as solid white lines and no overtaking signs are obviously only there for foreigners and women (unless the women are scooteristi). Lorry drivers seem to think the ‘80’ sign on the back of their wagons is for 80 mph, which is what they seemed to be trying to do everywhere.

d) In towns it is vital for two-wheeled users to overtake everything, no matter whether or not it is safe to do so, and always get to the front of the queue at red lights – even if it’s already four deep in scooters. It is a matter of great pride to arrive last at the lights but take the pole position – even if this means you cannot actually see when they change so hold everyone up.

In general we enjoyed the speed of the Italian roads, where the average speed was in excess of 90 mph, despite the 90 click limit.

We stopped for a coke at a little café somewhere en-route and met a nice Ukrainian woman, called Oksana, who’d lived and worked in London for three years but had forgotten English during the seven years she’d lived in Italy. We said we’d send her some English DVDs to help her remember.

We had a good ride over the Tende Pass and were pleased when we arrived at our pre-booked hotel (the last one booked) comparatively early..Alas, the miserable cow had reserved us a double, not twin, room, so we set out to find another hotel. We found a cheap and cheerful place a
couple of miles south and decided to stay there two nights as we were shagged.

We went to bed early, after a few beers and pastis and a big dinner – Eggs Mayonnaise, Pizza and Ile Flotant for Simon, Bresaola, Calf’s Liver and cheese for Rod, who fell asleep on his bed, with his (new) glasses on and found them broken when he woke up at 03.30. Just as well really, as Carlene was stranded at Clapham Junction and Elaine had to be contacted to sort out her recovery.